If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
