and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
