This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
