my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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