Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
