you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
