So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
