just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
