So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize