swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
