The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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