Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
