He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
