i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
