it was like his penis was on wheels.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
