I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
