at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
