I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
