I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
