Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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