listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
