hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
