dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just shotgunned beers for America
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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