No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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