The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
