If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
