I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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