last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
