I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
