I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
