Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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