I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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