I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
