idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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