Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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