If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
