the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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