Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
