About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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