Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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