i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
