You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
