Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
May the power of my ass compel you!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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