The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize