im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
