I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
