she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
