thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
