hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
