it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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