I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
