I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
