a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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