i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize