My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Randomize
