Say something about gay babies.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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