He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
