so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
