Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
