Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
