There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
