I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
