My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
