My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize