You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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