All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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