3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
