No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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