So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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