I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
