i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
