VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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