Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
