I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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