not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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