I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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