How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
