no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
