How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize