I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
