Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
