NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
