She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can't put those talents on a resume
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
