There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
