I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
