i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
