Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
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