I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
