We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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