If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize