he thought i was a dude.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
